|It does wonders for my own psyche to turn envy into inspiration. No matter how successful we become, we’re never above that.|
And her mind wanders.
She tends to think about
Something that happened
5 years ago, or something
That happened 2 hours ago,
Or something that could
Happen 10 years from now.
Her mind is like a hurricane,
It’s a wreck.
It’s full of beautiful yet
It’s 1AM and her mind
Continues to wander.
Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.
The pain of staying the way we are is much worse than the pain of changing.
I’ve always had a thing for wanting to help young adults make the right decision. I was an at risk youth that didn’t come from a bad home or bad environment but, I made bad decisions and put myself at risk. I learned the hard way or should I say I’m learning and still paying for my mistakes.
The type of environment I work in makes me view the world distinctively. I can walk in the mall, go to a restaurant or get on a plane and I wonder about people. I often ask myself, what illness do they suffer with? What have they gone through or what are they going through? What’s their lifestyle like? Are they open (honest) about themselves to others? Have they asked for help or do they really even want help? I’ve come to the realization, you can’t judge a book by its cover and you most definitely never know the full story.
If I can reach someone going through emotional, health or physical difficulties parallel to what I went through I would love to help. Sometimes I question what difference I can really make in this world. What influence do I really have on the next person? Child or adult. Hell, I ask myself the same question when blogging nevertheless I continue to write. It’s my outlet. It doesn’t matter to me if 1 or 100,000 people read what I post. What matters to me is that I’ve put it out there at anyone’s disposal.
Most children are so eager to take on adult responsibilities but in actuality they are nowhere near ready. They think that those responsibilities will free them from whatever bondage they’re in at the moment but little do they know, life will only have a stronger hold on them… Kids having kids. Children committing crimes that their mind shouldn’t fathom. Kids being out on their own, not yet knowing the fundamentals of life. There are some kids that are molested, abused mentally, exposed to drugs, alcohol and or violence and that’s all they know, so they think they are set up to fail. Some people just need guidance or at least need to know that they have options. Children need to know that there is some sort of support system to help them overcome the tests, trials and the tribulations of life.
I’m always looking back and saying “if I had just….” or “I wish I had…” I held myself back from so many things and opportunities because I didn’t have a support system, I didn’t have a mentor, and most importantly I didn’t have the confidence in myself. I never got the help that I needed to work through the things/feelings I was experiencing. I didn’t have someone to tell me school was important and to really push me to excel, I didn’t have anyone to tell me the opportunities I could achieve athletically had I pursued any of the sports I was into, no one to mentor me about the company I kept or the bad decisions I was making and the consequences that came along with it all. You can’t make a child do something because ‘you said so‘. People don’t do well with being told what to do and especially with no explanation. Being asked and being told are completely different. Sometimes logic is the best answer – good reasoning behind the why is a good way to convince someone.
I would like to start a Non profit organization for at risk youth – I’m not even sure I want to limit it to just youth. I want to be able to help anyone I can but I say youth because, if I can prevent a child from making some bad choices early on in life maybe I can save a life or at the very least, save them some pain and struggle. Some people (i.e. Me) are hardheaded but that doesn’t mean give up on them. It means go toe to toe with them on the things that are life changing. Stay involved regardless. Some will take heed and others will neglect everything taught to them but, it’s always worth it.
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
Have you ever found yourself jealous of a friend or family member that is in a relationship or recently engaged/married?
I was reading a post on MyFemalePersuasion titled Expect the Best in Friendship and Love (you should really check her blog out it’s quite interesting). She quoted blogger, Reema and I felt like her words were speaking directly to me:
| If you’re upset because someone else is in a relationship, it’s time to reevaluate your life. |
Most of my friends and family are married, engaged, in a long-term committed relationship, or at least dating. Me on the other hand, I’m just kinda here.
Two weeks ago, my brother calls me to tell me the “good news”. He got hitched. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it for the simple fact I barely knew he was dating someone, let alone serious about her. I didn’t want to ruin his moment so I tried to keep my comments, thoughts, concerns and jealousy to a minimum. I’m sure he sensed it being that he knows me all too well. I congratulated him and tried to move on to other topics.
I still hadn’t fully digested the matter and told myself “I’m sure it’ll just take some getting used to“, when the following week my father calls me to get the scoop and inquire about my feelings on my brothers “news” then proceeds to drop his bomb on me, “Well, I’m engaged”. It didn’t effected me the way my brothers news did but, it still kinda bothered me. My thoughts were, “What in the world is going on!?! Everyone is in a relationship, having children, progressing in life and I’m just floating with my head above water trying to figure out the next move in this game of chess called life.” Then it dawned on me, it’s me. That’s what’s going on. Me. I’m in my own way. I haven’t been able to take anyone serious since my ex. Well, I take that back…I tried to take two situations serious only to come to the realization that they were just that…situationships. Now I’m more guarded than I was before so of course I’m not going to be in a relationship, engaged or married!
I then had to question myself, “are you seriously content with being scared to trust again?” Although love is trusting, it’s not that I’m scared to love someone but, it’s more so I’m scared of the trusting part of love. As I dug deeper I realized, I’m afraid of someone loving me. I don’t think I truly know what it is to have someone love me unconditionally so I don’t know how to handle it. Trusting and loving someone means completely opening up to them, flaws and all and letting them make the decision to continue loving you knowing what they know about you. That’s a big deal! Unconditional love for your parents, siblings, or a child is totally different from unconditional love for a significant other. Love is compromise. Love is forgiving. Love is submissive. I am willing to love unconditionally but my concern is that someone won’t be willing to do the same for me. Love is a gamble.
| You’re a great adviser. |
I hear that all the time. I can see so much better from the outside in but trying to live by my own advice is easier said than done. Until I learn to walk the walk, I will forever be single.
Now that I’ve acknowledged my hangups, I can work through them one at a time and stop being so prideful and scared. There’s no reason to be jealous of anything or anyone because you can always have what the next person has, if it’s meant for you. Most times it’s just about you doing some self reflecting, getting to the root of your problem, fixing the problem and then going after what you want.