Dating an addict is draining. No no no, I’m not talking about a drug or alcohol addict. I’m talking about a sex and gambling addict. One of the worse combinations of addicts there is outside of drug and alcohol addicts.
I was in a relationship for 3 years with a man who was addicted to gambling and sex. He would never admit it but everything he did revolved around gambling and he was always thinking about or wanting sex. It was quite frustrating.
I loved him but, his addiction to sex was really why our relationship deteriorated. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a beautiful thing especially when you’re in love but when everything you do revolves around sex and every conversation is about sex that’s where the problem lies.
I made the mistake of sleeping with him on our first date. I know I know, shame on me. We were supposed to go on a dinner date. We decided a neutral place to meet was at his card house. By the time I got on that side of town the rain was coming down way too heavy and the roads were flooding so we had no choice but to stay in. We ate there and began the whole “getting to know a person” conversation (to me those conversations are quite boring). Talking turned into touching and kissing and one thing led to another and we ended up on the bed having sex. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes because I now know he’s a sex addict and no because the sex was great!
Growing up I was a tomboy so being around males all the time, listening to them talking about females, and watching how they look at females I sometimes have mannish tendencies. To each his own but let me just put this out there, no I’m not a lesbian. If I see a female that is beautiful or her body is, I have no shame in my game I’ll admit it. If I’m with my man we may have a conversation about a female that has crossed our path. I don’t see any harm in looking. But with an addict that is unacceptable. He begins to get ideas and tries to persuade you to do things you would’ve never thought to do.
It seemed like sex was the first thing on his mind when he woke up, throughout the day and the last thing on his mind before going to sleep at night. It started off with every time we saw one another if we weren’t alone we were trying to find some place to be alone and get a quickie in, then there was a touch or feel here and there discreetly and then it began to be more in the open and in front of whoever.
He would call himself “sexting” but it wasn’t sexting at all. Sexting is a mutual conversation between texters that’s sexual but also playful. He would text me and ask me to tell him what I was going to do to him. The nastier the better. It wasn’t sexy or playful, it was disturbing. As time went on he began asking me if we could have a threesome. I thought about it and even entertained the idea but deep down I wasn’t comfortable with it at all. I kept putting it off and making excuse and the more I did that the more he pressed the issue. It got to a point where we would argue about sex. Who the hell argues about sex!?! I loved him dearly but didn’t want to sleep with him anymore. It was frustrating.
He would get mad if I didn’t want to have sex or even talk about sex. When told he had a problem he would get extremely defensive. How do you keep your sanity? You begin to wonder, if sex is this big of a deal to him and not so much to me, what is he doing to get his “fix”. I would find the phone or the tablet stopped on porn, he had piles of porn DVDs at his house. He even went as far as driving through areas where he knew prostitutes were working. He says he’s never had relations with a prostitute but honestly, I never believed that for a minute. It was a complete turn off from that point. Some may ask why didn’t I leave but, I was in love with him. Besides this addiction, we were good together. Our entire families got along well, he has a child from a previous relationship and I was attached to him, the mother of his child and I were cordial (which is rare between females nowadays and I’ve never understood why), things were good.
The last year we were together we were just kind of going through the motions. Everything was repetitive. When we finally went separate ways we still ended up sleeping with one another for two more years. I really began to think to myself “why am I letting this go on?” It dawned on me; I wasn’t really ready to let the relationship go. His family would still call me and ask me to do things with them as we normally did but eventually I slowly began to pull away. I realized I had to if I was gonna let this go. I stopped answering phone calls and text messages from them but he and I were still dealing with one another every so often.
So my birthday came and although at this time we hadn’t spoke in weeks he texts me to tell me happy birthday around midnight the morning of which was odd. I responded by saying thank you and left it at that. He texted back wondering what I was doing for my birthday and I let him know some of my friends had some things planned. He asked if he could see me after and a light went on in my head, he thinks because it’s my birthday I’ll probably want some “birthday sex” and who better than him to give it to me. Ha! He had another thing coming. I told him sure but in the back of my mind I thought to myself I’m just going to conveniently forget to call him when I’m finished hanging out with my friends. But that night I got drunk and had another plan I wanted to execute. I knew I needed to let this go, I did want birthday sex and I also wanted to have the last say in things and what better opportunity than this. I texted him to find out where he was and he responded right away. He was waiting for the text so right then and there I knew this was about sex and not it being my birthday, how selfish of him. I had him meet me at my place (mind you it was 230 a.m.). I got there and took a shower, made him strip down to nothing. I sexed the hell out of him. Wouldn’t let him move, turn, handle me in any way. It was all me. After I got off I got up, cleaned myself up (not once caring if he got off), put some clothes on and told him I was going to get something to eat and he had to leave.
It was 5am by this time and he thought I meant WE were going to get something to eat but I meant ME. He followed me up the street to the Waffle House, watched me eat and tried to converse with me but I wasn’t too much interested. He insisted on paying for my meal and asked when we would see one another again, I told him I didn’t know and that I had to go. It was a month later that we spoke again and it was him wondering why I hadn’t spoken to him. I had already got him out of my system and moved on. It was difficult but I knew it was something I needed to do, for me. I miss him every so often and think about his family but I knew I needed to cut all ties with him. It was evident we couldn’t just be friends and everything was based on sex.
I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t put myself in another situation like that with a male again. Not just with a sex addict but a male disrespecting me the way he did. It was emotionally draining, frustrating and disturbing to say the least. He didn’t want help. He wouldn’t admit that he had an addiction so there was nothing that I could do for him. I probably should’ve handled things a different way but I felt like that was the best way for me to end things.