Believing

This made me think of some of the things I feel at times and thoughts I have but struggle to put into words.

Girl, Interrupted

I love you.

 

I view the experience in an out of body manner even now, just as I did then.  

What sticks the most is his smile.  Me in tears, and him smiling.  I can see his smile sometimes when I close my eyes.  His teeth gleaming, his breath like garlic.  From his smile, I see his eyes.  They glitter, a cross between brown and hazel and something that I can’t identify.  The gleam in his eyes is joy.  He found happiness in my tears, somehow.  I didn’t understand that.  I still don’t.  I don’t get how people can find happiness in the pain of others when I’m so sensitive I will cry at commercials. 

There was a “Private Practice” episode where one of the doctors was raped in her office.  I both wanted to watch it and didn’t want to watch it at the same time.  I…

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