Up until two years ago my relationship with my biological father was basically nonexistent. I have three brothers and a sister. In 2012 we all went to my father’s house for Easter. It was the first time in 12+ years that we had all been in the same place at the same time. We all had our reservations about how things would go but it ended up being a good trip. There was a LOT of unanswered questions and mixed emotions about things that needed to be resolved. We all kind of avoided it all but one small disagreement between my dad and my sister escalated and that’s when everyone got involved and the conversation ended up being had. Things and feelings were put out in the open and we eventually got the root of everything. One thing that shocked me was finding out that my sister and I are not blood related but, the conclusion was that from that point on we were all going to make an effort to keep the lines of communication open and build relationships with one another. Most of us have done a pretty good job of keeping in contact but I have this feeling that my sister avoids me. It makes me feel some type of way.
She’s always been the only girl around my dad and my brothers. Now that my dad and I are building a relationship, as well as me and my brothers she is no longer the only girl. I call, text or try to set something up where we meet here there or whatever and she always blows me off. She constantly changes her number and everyone ends up with it but me.
The other day my youngest brother texted she and I in a group chat saying Happy Valentine’s Day. Neither one of us knew who the other number was so we both asked. When he responded clarifying who was in the group chat I told her to lock my number in her phone and I would call her on the weekend. Well, I had a wedding to go to over the weekend and I forgot to call. I remembered Monday evening on my way home from work so I texted her and told her when I got home and got situated I would give her a buzz. She responds by asking “who’s this?” I think to myself I know she’s not serious. I just told her to lock me in the other day. So I tell her who it is and say what the hell. Her excuse is that she lost all her numbers. I tell her to lock me in her phone again and I would call in 45 minutes. So I get home and call but I get the voicemail.
Am I just being a brat or does it seem like she’s avoiding me?
Whenever I ask my dad what’s up with her or in conversation telling him how she never answers or responds to calls and texts, I feel like he makes excuses for her. It’s always “she’s going through a lot right now” or “She’s just dealing with her own mess right now” but I’m like she communicates with everyone else so clearly she’s not going through much. Just makes me think she doesn’t feel she needs to build a relationship with me and I get it if that’s the case but say that we are grown.
I continue to try to reach out to her but no luck. I asked my oldest brother (he and I have the same mother so they are not blood related either) last night what the deal was with her and kind of explained how I felt like she avoids me but, he gives me the EXACT same excuse as my dad. I mean word for word. So I got in my feelings and told him not to worry about it, I’m sick of the excuses and just ended the conversation.
Was I wrong?
I was speaking to a good friend and asked her opinion from someone on the outside looking in. Her response was to think it through. She asked me to ask myself a few questions.
Think of this, have you done anything that you can think of to make her act like this? Did you say something? Behave a certain way? And also think about why she would do it. You said yourself you treat people the same way at times. When you do it why do you do it? If you can’t come up with anything then the answer is yea she’s most definitely trying to avoid you for no reason. Then you either have two choices. Ask her straight up what the issue is or just get over it.
She is so right. I answered every question and came to the conclusion that my sister is just avoiding me. I can be anti-social at times but never towards my family especially for an extended period of time. We haven’t communicated enough for me to behave a certain way or say something to make her act this way. I have only tried to reach out to her and be a sister. I can’t just “get over it” because I’m tired of holding things in but I don’t know how to approach the situation for the simple fact I don’t know her. I’ve always felt like the black sheep of my family (on both sides) but was beginning to feel like I belonged and this was like me taking 10 steps back. . If she won’t answer or return a phone call how do I have a conversation with her about this?