Why do women think that it’s okay to be a man’s “number two”? I was watching Being Mary Jane on BET and it dawned on me that a lot of TV shows nowadays have some sort of adulterous scandal going on. In a way it seems like they are glorifying the lifestyle but in all honesty I think they are really just trying to touch on a subject that is so common and real in the world.
Being Mary Jane is about a successful, African-American woman who has all aspects of her life together except when it comes to her love life. She is dealing with David, who also has it together, her family adores him but they can’t seem to get right. They have that on again off again we’re just sleeping with one another here and there type of relationship. She’s also dealing with Andre, a married man who she has fallen in love with under false pretenses.
Now granted at the beginning of the “relationship” with Andre, she had absolutely no clue he was married. One morning she is picking up his clothes off of the floor and steps on his ring. She immediately confronts him but even after confronting him then seeking out and confronting his wife she continued to deal with him. I mean I get where she’s coming from, her feelings were already involved but that doesn’t make it right. She realizes it and she plays tug of war with her feelings. One minute she wants him, next minute she doesn’t because SHE doesn’t know what she wants in her life.
I see it too often now. I’m not going to lie; I’ve been there a few times and at the time was ok with it. Now I think back and realize how stupid it was of me to think that it was acceptable behavior. For me, it wasn’t that I was physically insecure. It was commitment insecurity. I was in a situationship with him. When he and I were together (meaning around one another), it was US. We didn’t have to hide anything or have to refrain from doing certain things or going certain places or any of that. I just knew I didn’t have to completely commit so I felt like I was winning. I was so wrong because I still let my feelings get involved and at the end of the day we were never going to be WE. When I began to break things down to myself I realized that if I couldn’t commit to someone and be in a monogamous relationship then I had no business being in a relationship at all. Not to mention I was not only disrespecting the other woman but I was disrespecting myself.
Do we not want better for ourselves or is it that we are just conforming to society? People think they have to settle or they will miss out on something. FYI, you can’t miss out on something that isn’t meant to be to begin with.