Every female wants to be loved. Growing up my father wasn’t around and my step father wasn’t a very good father figure. My older brother was the closest thing to a father figure I had but, how can you search for the same type of love your brother gives you? You end up with a horde of males that are “friend zoned”. I’ve searched high and low for someone to show me that love that is unconditional, that is beyond any other and have yet to find it. Sometimes I hold my father responsible for this and maybe it’s about time to let it go. I was always told that my father didn’t want me and that’s why he wasn’t active in my life (found out that wasn’t true) so I’ve always had this insecurity that if my father didn’t want me, what makes me think any male would?
I have built this barrier that no one seems to be able to completely get through. I let people in my world but when the insecurities kick in, I retract. There have even been times where I have purposely sabotaged a relationship because I began to think “No way this man can like me this much or love me.” I’ve also let men walk all over me mistaking these actions for love. There’s always that one person that you just can’t let go of though. You know, one of those people who you are genuinely good friends with, you just can’t be in a relationship with…yet you have this sexual chemistry that is undeniable. Yea, him.
Sexy, intelligent, musically talented, a good listener and a great friend. We have this open friendship where we can touch on any subject. It’s been this way from day one. Maybe that’s why we will never work in a relationship. I don’t know. He’s the only person that I’ve dealt with that I didn’t feel like we just had sex, he made love to me. Every single time we’ve been intimate he’s catered to me in any and every way, just different from anything else but its only lust…
Although we are extremely good friends, we aren’t in love with one another. One thing I’ve come to realize is, I don’t think I’ve ever truly been loved and honestly I’m not quite sure if I know what love is supposed to feel like. I mean, I know how I would want to be loved as well as how I myself show my love and affection but seriously….what is love?
Does anyone really know or do we all just come up with our own perception of what it should be and call it love? Most people say that a father’s love for his daughter and the way he treats her is supposed to the blueprint as to how a man should treat someone he loves (is in love with). What happens to those that don’t grow up with a father in their life? They continue to search for this love they hear of but know absolutely nothing about. They end up treating every man like the father that was missing in their life. Daddy issues. I’m that girl.