My mind is like a mental disaster. I wish they made some sort of device that could record every thought I have so that I could go back sift through it and make sense of it all. At times I sit down to write but I have so much going on in my head I can’t focus on just one thing. When I get like this I either begin to scribble the different thoughts that I’m having at the time and it seems like it’s all useless thoughts that I can’t do anything with and I get frustrated…other times it deters me from writing all together which further frustrates me because I want to write.
My mind is my worst enemy and I’m learning how to use it to my advantage. I’m teaching myself. Lately I’ve been wondering why I never had a mentor. Someone who could really help and guide me in the right direction. Someone to help me sift through my thoughts, feelings….hell, my life! Now I’m in search of one and I’m not quite sure how to go about it.
a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
an influential senior sponsor or supporter.
My issue is trusting someone enough to completely let my guard down and show them my insecurities and flaws. Letting someone into my life and exposing all of me. I was….I still am…afraid that no one will understand me. I’m afraid they won’t understand my thought process, why I do/say things I do and say…or why I react to certain situations the way that I do. I don’t think they will understand my feelings or lack there of. Will they understand and accept my depression? I have made a lot of poor decisions in my past and I’m definitely trying to make up for them now. I have come a long way from that era but sometimes things still come to bite me in the ass so to speak, will anyone understand that?
These are all things I worry about. Now, I’m getting to a point in my life where I can’t live caring about how others perceive me or what they think of me. I can only be me and the people who are meant to be in my life will be there. I really do agree with people when they say you attract what you put out. At least it rings true in my life. I’m ready to overcome certain fears I have and pursue the things I’ve put on the back burn in fear of being judged or misunderstood.
I do have a couple of questions. Is there an age that is too old to be looking for a mentor? Does your mentor have to be someone successful, someone who understands you or just someone knowledgeable? Hopefully I can figure this out soon. My mind is on a hundred thousand trillion….💭
My quest begins…👣👣👣