Do you ever wonder why people come into your life make a big mark and leave? What lesson are you being taught? I can understand the whole “different people for different seasons” when you’re going through something but what about when you’re just getting comfortable in a place you haven’t been in a while, a place you have been trying to reach for some time and now here comes someone to disrupt that whole vibe you have going but they don’t stay for long? Now you’re totally off track and in a different mind frame than you were before you met them and can’t seem to get right. What season is that??
These are all some random questions I’ve asked myself over the last few months. I’ve had a few people come and go recently but I also have this friend who I have felt is one in the same with myself. She’s a year and a half older than I, no kids, recently single, and mentally a disaster. I hate to say this but at times I wonder how or why we are friends because it seems when I’m in a certain space, a good space…or so I think I am at the time, she’s in a rut and I’m the shoulder she leans on. I constantly question what the purpose of our friendship is. What am I getting out of it and even thought to walk away from the friendship. It’s like we are always on different paths but it dawned on me; she keeps me on my toes. When I’m speaking to her, it’s like I’m really speaking to myself because we have so many similarities when it comes to how we perceive life and or men.
-I need to stop being so scared to reach out to friends like you when I feel so alone
-Being alone is hard for me and I’m not necessarily talking about having a man…I mean having friends and family that I see regularly
-I don’t know how to be alone for real for real
-I be feeling like I’m going to go crazy without a mate
-Not saying that a man defines me but it’s been my comfort”
These are some things that she has expressed to me recently and I found myself telling her to think “what can a man do for you that you can’t do for yourself besides giving you penis?” If a female has a lot to bring to the table and not solely dependent on a man; a man is going to find that much more attractive. Not to mention, you attract what you put out. I’ve always been told that I give good advice but when it comes to utilizing the same advice, I’m an epic fail.
I began to think about what I had going on in my life and the things I needed to change. I’ve never been the type to depend on a man but at times I have felt like a man defined me. I was so wrong. I decided to not necessarily not date but, I haven’t really given anyone the time of day lately because I feel like I need to focus on me. Then it made me think, now that that is out-of-the-way and a man wont be my distraction, what else needs to be changed?…although I love the field that I’m in, I think a slight career change is in need so I have begun to search for another job, something that will challenge me. I was a social network junky and had to take a break which is when I began writing again. I had to change my normal routines and my normal go to’s if I want different results. In writing and thinking about different things, that’s when it really made sense. Whenever I’m in a mental rut and don’t realize it, she’s always the one that calls me to help her with something and it ends up helping me see things clearer in my own life. I honestly think she makes me a better me. Although I don’t mean to judge her it’s like I low-key do. I look at the things she does and says and it makes realize the type of person I don’t want to be and I begin to analyze myself and my life and try to change things that need to be changed.
I guess she’s one of those people who are meant to be in my life and I need to keep around or this could simply be the “season” for her in my life. I don’t know but I hope she doesn’t decide to walk away from the friendship for any unknown reason because it seems like what I’m learning from this friendship is me.