Have you ever found yourself jealous of a friend or family member that is in a relationship or recently engaged/married?
I was reading a post on MyFemalePersuasion titled Expect the Best in Friendship and Love (you should really check her blog out it’s quite interesting). She quoted blogger, Reema and I felt like her words were speaking directly to me:
| If you’re upset because someone else is in a relationship, it’s time to reevaluate your life. |
Most of my friends and family are married, engaged, in a long-term committed relationship, or at least dating. Me on the other hand, I’m just kinda here.
Two weeks ago, my brother calls me to tell me the “good news”. He got hitched. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it for the simple fact I barely knew he was dating someone, let alone serious about her. I didn’t want to ruin his moment so I tried to keep my comments, thoughts, concerns and jealousy to a minimum. I’m sure he sensed it being that he knows me all too well. I congratulated him and tried to move on to other topics.
I still hadn’t fully digested the matter and told myself “I’m sure it’ll just take some getting used to“, when the following week my father calls me to get the scoop and inquire about my feelings on my brothers “news” then proceeds to drop his bomb on me, “Well, I’m engaged”. It didn’t effected me the way my brothers news did but, it still kinda bothered me. My thoughts were, “What in the world is going on!?! Everyone is in a relationship, having children, progressing in life and I’m just floating with my head above water trying to figure out the next move in this game of chess called life.” Then it dawned on me, it’s me. That’s what’s going on. Me. I’m in my own way. I haven’t been able to take anyone serious since my ex. Well, I take that back…I tried to take two situations serious only to come to the realization that they were just that…situationships. Now I’m more guarded than I was before so of course I’m not going to be in a relationship, engaged or married!
I then had to question myself, “are you seriously content with being scared to trust again?” Although love is trusting, it’s not that I’m scared to love someone but, it’s more so I’m scared of the trusting part of love. As I dug deeper I realized, I’m afraid of someone loving me. I don’t think I truly know what it is to have someone love me unconditionally so I don’t know how to handle it. Trusting and loving someone means completely opening up to them, flaws and all and letting them make the decision to continue loving you knowing what they know about you. That’s a big deal! Unconditional love for your parents, siblings, or a child is totally different from unconditional love for a significant other. Love is compromise. Love is forgiving. Love is submissive. I am willing to love unconditionally but my concern is that someone won’t be willing to do the same for me. Love is a gamble.
| You’re a great adviser. |
I hear that all the time. I can see so much better from the outside in but trying to live by my own advice is easier said than done. Until I learn to walk the walk, I will forever be single.
Now that I’ve acknowledged my hangups, I can work through them one at a time and stop being so prideful and scared. There’s no reason to be jealous of anything or anyone because you can always have what the next person has, if it’s meant for you. Most times it’s just about you doing some self reflecting, getting to the root of your problem, fixing the problem and then going after what you want.